I remember.

I remember wishing I could remember more.

Ever felt that?

You know, you go back and think about something from the past. Good or bad, doesn't matter. But you just can't quite remember it the way it deserves to be. 

The past is the past.

Memories are smoke from the fire. You can tell where it comes from, but it can never be the same again.

I remember Pokemon on saturday. Feet up, head back. The proximity of the TV close enough for parental objection.

I remember seeing the stars up close for the first time. They were painted on my bedroom wall. Not nearly as hot as I imagined.

I remember a square NES controller and a rocking chair. AKA Grandma's house.

I remember a forest that went on forever, but I wasn't allowed to go past the creek.

I remember that first girl. Pink and cartwheels. Not even a name.

I remember meeting said girl years later by chance. Still can't remember her name.

-FLASH FORWARD-

I remember feeling like I could't breath. Side effects of living at sea level for three years, I guess.

I remember being momentarily suspended between the mountains. Nowhere to go but up.

I remember longboards and pizza. At least I can remember that girl's name. You know, because she's my best friend now.

I remember feeling like I was drowning. Side effects of living at five thousand feet for three years, I guess.

I remember the day I realized that up there nothing matters. It's all just a show.

I remember being puzzled by how a few feet could make such a difference to the rate my heart beat.

I remember being devastated by the inches between our lips, because I knew it would never be the same again.

I reme-

Stop.

You have to stop remembering. If you keep going like this, you'll never quit.

Stop paying attention to the smoke. It can be intoxicating, I know. But if you don't stop the fire will.

And without the fire,

there's no more smoke.

If you don't start looking forward and living, there won't be anything worth remembering.

I remember.