I remember.

I remember wishing I could remember more.

Ever felt that?

You know, you go back and think about something from the past. Good or bad, doesn't matter. But you just can't quite remember it the way it deserves to be. 

The past is the past.

Memories are smoke from the fire. You can tell where it comes from, but it can never be the same again.

I remember Pokemon on saturday. Feet up, head back. The proximity of the TV close enough for parental objection.

I remember seeing the stars up close for the first time. They were painted on my bedroom wall. Not nearly as hot as I imagined.

I remember a square NES controller and a rocking chair. AKA Grandma's house.

I remember a forest that went on forever, but I wasn't allowed to go past the creek.

I remember that first girl. Pink and cartwheels. Not even a name.

I remember meeting said girl years later by chance. Still can't remember her name.

-FLASH FORWARD-

I remember feeling like I could't breath. Side effects of living at sea level for three years, I guess.

I remember being momentarily suspended between the mountains. Nowhere to go but up.

I remember longboards and pizza. At least I can remember that girl's name. You know, because she's my best friend now.

I remember feeling like I was drowning. Side effects of living at five thousand feet for three years, I guess.

I remember the day I realized that up there nothing matters. It's all just a show.

I remember being puzzled by how a few feet could make such a difference to the rate my heart beat.

I remember being devastated by the inches between our lips, because I knew it would never be the same again.

I reme-

Stop.

You have to stop remembering. If you keep going like this, you'll never quit.

Stop paying attention to the smoke. It can be intoxicating, I know. But if you don't stop the fire will.

And without the fire,

there's no more smoke.

If you don't start looking forward and living, there won't be anything worth remembering.

I remember.

Black Out Poetry

Phobophobic

fear.

I fear i'm fearing i'm afraid.

i fear that i felt that i found the answer to my never ending question

What am I afraid of?

where is this fear that i feel coming from

Why am I afraid?

in a forest of few i feel a fraction of fear following me always fresh and never free

I'm finding things out I didn't want to know.

like feelings filling my heart as they form and I fall

They're staring at me. Why are they doing that? Why do they care? Why do I care? Do I care?

I'm afraid I do.

the fear that fills me comes from itself

Identifying is magnifying the feeling I feel.

i'm afraid of

I'm afraid of.

i fear being afraid

Hey you.

Hey you. You know who you are.

I just wanted to tell you some things about your insecurities:

They're irrational.

You are smarter than Einstein.

You sing better than that one fat lady who seems to get the gig singing at the end of everything.

You're skin is so smooth and perfect that if you were in a TV show they'd fire the makeup artist. You know, because they wouldn't need one for you.

You're spine isn't straight? I think that's awesome. Straight is boring.

You're voice is like the sound of sizzling bacon. Beautiful.

That nose? Cuter than a button.

You can out-dance MJ.

Your hair (whatever color it is) is silkier than some rich dudes bath robe.

Awkward body shape? That's like saying "well this Ferrari has a different body shape than that Lamborghini. Therefore it's awkward."

Personally I like girls with pale skin.

You write better than I do.

And your painting? Just because you listed that I know you're good.

Your ideas are your own and you're beautiful. Therefore, by default, so are your ideas.

Music. Unless the music you're listening to is WWII Nazi propaganda, I can guarantee it's great in comparison.

You? Boring? After all of this you think you're boring?

You're anything but boring.

Interruption.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you breaking news.

30 seconds into the intro of Pokémon episode 2 you remembered you have to blog twice.

Yes, that's right. Let the coming wave of panic engulf you.

Now blog. Blog like you're life depends on it, Miles.

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Here's a video:

Brick walls and rainfall

I'm gonna be honest with you here:

I have no idea what this post is going to be about.

But hey, let's find out together.

The most prominent thing I can remember from the past week is Rain. It's just confusing me for some reason.

Why is it raining in February? I mean, I love the rain and all. But it doesn't seem like this type of precipitation should be participating in the almighty season of Winter.

Winter. Win. Ter.

I wanna win something. It's been a while since I've had a notable achievement. My résumé could use some spicing up.

Here are some possible achievements I could be nominated for:

1. All time record for consecutive days I've procrastinated my blog posts. (see "I put the pro in procrastination")

2. General laziness.

3. Most Netflix episodes watched in a day.

Wait, pause.

I just found out the original Pokémon is on Netflix.

Here's a game to play. Spot the guy in class tomorrow who is bleary eyed and sleep deprived. That would be me. Why? I'm about to watch many, many episodes of the nostalgic hit of my childhood.

Goodnight, everyone.

Being Different

This.

The look I get for being different.